I wish I had some exotic tale to tell you, but I don’t. I’ve done a lot of sitting around—with coffee or tea or nothing at all, just to listen to the birds and insects, or to watch the leaves as they float and whirl on their stems in the breeze. I’ve been doing a lot of reading of books, and revising of four of my recent essays and three of my recent poems. I’ve done a little bit of new writing, though mostly I’ve just journaled. I’ve done a bit of doodling and watercolor painting. I’ve ridden several boats across the lake (including one terrifying ride), visited a fabulous textile market, tried ceremonial grade hot cacao (still not exactly sure what that means) and have been working on the subjunctive tense in Spanish. In two days, I’ll finally start weaving class! In two weeks, I’ll fly to Flores, in the jungle, and then make the trip up to Tikal National Park to see the Mayan ruins.
I’ve taken lots of pictures, gone to the market too many times, and daydreamed about the future plenty, also. I’ve been both calm about it, and slightly panicked. I think, because, for the first time in a very long time, my mind feels free—so, sometimes it doesn’t know what to do with that freedom. Sometimes it thinks it wants to live in an Arizona border town and other times it wants some bustling metropolis. Sometimes I want a humid heat that holds me to close the earth, and other times I want air so light that I almost start to float. I’ve long known that I love way, way too many things, and while it’s certainly not a bad thing, it does make decisions like: “Where should I move!?” a tad more difficult.
I still feel lucky, too lucky, really, to be here. I’ve been thinking a lot, lately, about opportunity, privilege, ability… and every day I realize how very much I’ve been given. What I don’t always know is how to best use all of that—continuing to teach, certainly, but I know there is more. What I want to figure out is how to write and make art in a way that addresses the world more directly and honestly. I’ll get there. I started today, by writing a small bit on riding around in tuktuks, here… but then some nasty illness descended upon me, and I spent most of the day horizontal, sleeping or drinking water or indulging in the comforts of a few episodes of Modern Family ❤